Just a quick note to dog owners out there. Really, a plea. A cry for help.
These qudrepeds I suffer, they are developing a habit I cannot explain. Though they spend a considerable portion of each day barking in the backyard out by the fence where my poor neighbor is just trying to plant some flowers with their snarling biters inches from his face, even though they are coddled and cared for as if they were my own children (maybe better), they still take it upon themselves to make water on my stuff.
It's as if it is a competition for canine promotional items. Like they are going to get a prize, like a customized notepad, for whomever sprinkles my trinkets last and longest.
Last week they peed on a bankers box full of old bills and files. We had to go through the whole thing and salvage what we could (including one of my personalized notepads, drawings and all).
So [My Attorney] decided to buy a carpet cleaner, an upright totally tight version of those retarded red plastic Daleks they rent in the grocery store. She's wanted one forever, thumbing through catalogs, looking them up online, and standing in awe at Bed Bath & Beyond at the rack of highly customized carpet cleaners and steambots that will suck your carpet clean of urine.
She used it while I was at fishcamp and actually called me, she was so excited. "It's so awesome!"
Today [My attorney] jetted off to work and the kids trudged off to school and I walked upstairs to this desk right here where I sit, surrounded by all my paper clips and office supply promotional items and banged my head repeatedly on the wall because the dogs, the stupid, disgusting, hateful, regrettable canines have peed on our carpet cleaner.
Thursday, May 26, 2011
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
13 Things on Thursday my Kids Will Never Think About in Their Future
- Atlases.
- Faxes.
- Pay Phones.
- Film.
- Walkie Talkies.
- Libraries.
- Newspapers.
- Mail.
- Catalogues.
- Being lost.
- Cheap gas.
- Hippies.
- Osama Bin Laden.
Thursday, May 5, 2011
Jasminedirectory.com's business listing let you command the web
Do not look for clutter or confusion on Jasmine Business Web Directory. There simply is not any to be seen. Jasminedirectory.com business listing is bright looking and concise, and is almost completely without those buttons that populate so many other web pages and sites. Nor is the home page clogged with those large photographs, which seem to have become ubiquitous on web pages these days.
Jasmine's links are listed plainly, and its info paragraphs are short and to the point. All of the site's features are pointed out in an organized manner which prevents busy people from wasting precious time. The web designer is skilled in the art of whittling and has pared the home page down to the degree where all users can locate exactly what they are looking for, in the shortest possible amount of time. Jasminedirectory.com is W3 css and HTML valid, generates automatic thumbnails for illustrated posts, and offers 5 deep URLs.
From Arts to Health to Family to Recreation to Shopping and E-commerce, the site's categories are laid out clearly in a two column list at the center right, along with the number of entries in each category. Surrounding the categories are 100% SEO friendly brief paragraphs of information pertaining to what other areas of interest business people can expect to find.
The site's motto is "Don't surf the web. Command it." Having your business listed in a site like Jasminedirectory.com shows that you are in command, and like the site itself, you have zero interest in wasting time or money. Submitting a business or a website to a web directory, to be reviewed by editors and experts, is an emerging aspect of the online world. When deciding to go that route, why bother wasting time looking elsewhere? Jasminedirectory.com business web directory is already "state of the art".
Jasmine's links are listed plainly, and its info paragraphs are short and to the point. All of the site's features are pointed out in an organized manner which prevents busy people from wasting precious time. The web designer is skilled in the art of whittling and has pared the home page down to the degree where all users can locate exactly what they are looking for, in the shortest possible amount of time. Jasminedirectory.com is W3 css and HTML valid, generates automatic thumbnails for illustrated posts, and offers 5 deep URLs.
From Arts to Health to Family to Recreation to Shopping and E-commerce, the site's categories are laid out clearly in a two column list at the center right, along with the number of entries in each category. Surrounding the categories are 100% SEO friendly brief paragraphs of information pertaining to what other areas of interest business people can expect to find.
The site's motto is "Don't surf the web. Command it." Having your business listed in a site like Jasminedirectory.com shows that you are in command, and like the site itself, you have zero interest in wasting time or money. Submitting a business or a website to a web directory, to be reviewed by editors and experts, is an emerging aspect of the online world. When deciding to go that route, why bother wasting time looking elsewhere? Jasminedirectory.com business web directory is already "state of the art".
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
My Dogs Can Spell.
We have a fence. So walking our dogs is as easy as opening our back door.
Based on the way we all avoid it, however, you'd think the door was two feet thick and made out of pure Unobtainium.
Nobody wants to get up out of their wallow and haul their magnificent corpus thirty one arduous feet to the back door and, using our last remaining ounce of strength, push it open so the dogs can race out the doggy door and pee on my grill.
Here's how it goes down: we'll all be sunk down into our easy-couch, eyes over the tops of our knees so we won't miss a minute of "Hoarders," and the dogs will actually lean against the front door and stare at me with their doggy eyebrows arched and their skinny little legs enpretzellated, whining through their ears. One of us will notice and quickly rebury our head into our iPad/laptop/game console/tacos and pretend we didn't see them. Then someone else will raise their head and shrug and ahem and relent and say the dogs need to go out and world war nine ensues.
By World War Nine, I mean an It's Your Turn fusillade of titanic proportions. No one wants to do it. No one will do it. Eventually, the dogs will give up and pee in my shoes.
For awhile, the dogs would keep staring at us until we got up and said out. Then they'd explode and hit the back door.
Apparently, dogs are trainable. They quickly associated out utterance of out with peeing and as soon as we'd say it, they'd bolt. So we got wise and started spelling it.
They had it down in a week. Then I started spelling slower and the poor little bastids would hang on every letter.
Based on the way we all avoid it, however, you'd think the door was two feet thick and made out of pure Unobtainium.
Nobody wants to get up out of their wallow and haul their magnificent corpus thirty one arduous feet to the back door and, using our last remaining ounce of strength, push it open so the dogs can race out the doggy door and pee on my grill.
Here's how it goes down: we'll all be sunk down into our easy-couch, eyes over the tops of our knees so we won't miss a minute of "Hoarders," and the dogs will actually lean against the front door and stare at me with their doggy eyebrows arched and their skinny little legs enpretzellated, whining through their ears. One of us will notice and quickly rebury our head into our iPad/laptop/game console/tacos and pretend we didn't see them. Then someone else will raise their head and shrug and ahem and relent and say the dogs need to go out and world war nine ensues.
By World War Nine, I mean an It's Your Turn fusillade of titanic proportions. No one wants to do it. No one will do it. Eventually, the dogs will give up and pee in my shoes.
For awhile, the dogs would keep staring at us until we got up and said out. Then they'd explode and hit the back door.
Apparently, dogs are trainable. They quickly associated out utterance of out with peeing and as soon as we'd say it, they'd bolt. So we got wise and started spelling it.
They had it down in a week. Then I started spelling slower and the poor little bastids would hang on every letter.
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