Tuesday, March 22, 2011

10 Snappy Questions for Douchey Realtors


  1. What's the public nudity policy around here?

  2. How many bodies do you think we could fit in this yard? I mean if we stack 'em.

  3. No [insert current oppressed ethnicity here] people around here, right?

  4. (To wife) Man, we're going to need SO much tinfoil to cover these windows.

  5. Can we get all the knobs reversed?

  6. I like it, but my spirit guide says it's full of snakes.

  7. Is there a waffle maker? (ask in every room)

  8. (Grab wife's dumper) Are these walls soundproof? Heh heh.

  9. (Shutting Master bedroom door on Realtor) Can you give us a few minutes . . .

  10. Where's the fartorium?

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3 comments:

  1. Richard NowakMarch 22, 2011 at 8:17 AM

    1. Where's the self-destruct mechanism?
    2. Do you have a Sasquatch problem in the neighborhood?
    3. Where's the panic room located?
    4. Can I bring in the Ghost Hunter's before I decide?
    5. Does the local code allow me to demolish the home and build a replica of Herman Munster's mansion on Mockingbird Lane?

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  2. SarahMarch 22, 2011 at 11:38 AM

    As a general rule of thumb, any list with the adjectives "snappy" and "douchey" in the title is going to be good. Very handy questions--I'll keep those in mind for future reference. I actually would like to see more in this series of "Snappy Questions for Douchey ______s."

    ReplyDelete
  3. Christopher Garlington, EsqMarch 22, 2011 at 11:44 AM

    Wow, two new departments in one week! Stay tuned for "Picture Day," premiering Tomorrow. Or Thursday. I don't remember which. Thanks for the comment and, seriously, tell all your friends.

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