You try to save. You scrimp. You deprive yourself. You go a day or two without high end sushi. You order a 2004 Chateau Neuf des Papes instead of the Rothschild 1998. You suffer.
Finally, you save up just enough loose change and hedgefund windfall to send your son to computer camp at Lake Forest College, a place that makes Hogwarts look drab, a place where he will hone his burgeoning skills as a World of Warcraft modder to the point where some ten year old kids treat him like a God, a camp that costs more than the GDP of Lichtenstein, and the little snotty fartknocker goes and gets Swine Flu.
And now we're all confined indoors like we've got the consumption. Our neighbors have painted PIG in big red letters on our front door (I'm pretty sure that's related) and guys in forced-air Hazmat suits are staking a perimeter with red tape and bio-hazard signs.
So there's only one thing to do—well, 13 Things! (About Swine Flu That Suck)
1. Having it.
2. The really cool kids all have Bird Flu.
3. Too sick to play Wii, not sick enough to puke on your sister.
4. Sudden aversion to Bacon.
5. There's no medicine so you actually have to stay sick for a week which in modern times is like having your leg amputated with a hack saw.
6. After a few days, Gatorade looks the same going in as it does coming out.
7. Worrying that #4 might last forever.
8. Can't taste your Bacon Double Cheese Burger (without bacon).
9. Snot.
10. Leaving your Xbox at camp because you can't go back to get it until you don't have the flu so you're stuck at home without your game system.
11. Ditto for your Ozzie CD.
12. Friends keep texting you "Oink" and "Bacon".
13. Your dad thinks it's funny so he blogs about it. That ^%$#@!!
No comments:
Post a Comment