Second First Day of School Epic Fail

I woke up (from my night of wondering if I'd ever fall asleep) to the sound of my iPhone sawing through my desk. I heard the front door slam, looked out the window, and saw the boy child getting into his mom's car.

That seemed like a perfect thing. He gets to school on time and I get to go back to sleep. Which I did.

I wake up a few hours later to the sound of my iPhone trying to bury itself in my desk to hide from [My Attorney] who is reaching through the phone and beating me to death. I get up. I drive all the way downtown to pick up the papers I needed yesterday to register the girl. I drive all the way home. I make six calls on the way down there and two on the way back all in the vein of: take a frikkin shower so you're all dressed and ready when I get there. All of these answered with SHUT UP DAD I CAN HANDLE THIS ALRIGHT?!

I walk in the door and she's in her room.

"Hey, you ready?"

"No."

"What? Listen, we've got to get our carcass to that school and get you in."

"I don't have any pants."

I just . . I can't . . . I . . .

How does she not have any pants? She had pants yesterday. She wore them for less than an hour. Where are they now? Did they return to their pant overlords and report on the activities of teen humans?

(Pants: SIR WE TRIED TO OBSERVE THE HU-MAN TEENS BUT THEY NEVER GOT OFF THE COUCH SO THERE'S NOT MUCH TO REPORT UNLESS YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENED ON 'ADVENTURE TIME' FOR THE LAST SIX WEEKS.)

I fix this problem. I get her loaded into the car. I get there despite spending all seven minutes fighting for control of the radio. We leap out of the car, race across the field to the office where they tell us they stop registering at 11am, which we missed by an hour and five minutes.

Derp.

I'm so mad. I needed my day of peace and I haven't gotten yet. All the other dads-who-"work"-at-home have called me up trying to explain around the end of their cigar how good their beer tastes while I'm washing bras.

So I threaten her that I'm going to prance across the tennis courts just to embarrass her and she tells me I couldn't prance my way out of a light mist and I swear I can score higher than her on Prance Prance Revolution and we stop there in the middle of the tennis courts at the school she will go to every day but, apparently, never attend, and we shout OH MY GOD THAT WOULD BE AN AWESOME GAME!

I am a 17 year old girl.